Month: March 2020

Month: March 2020

Category : Uncategorized

Last weekend I read a wonderful article from the Financial Times by Alain de Botton “How to travel from your sofa”. It’s all about using the experiences we already have and our amazing imaginations to allow us to travel anywhere and to re-live past experiences.

I believe that this is a skill we can all use and develop during this period of confinement at home. I also believe that using this skill now will mean that it is more use to us once this crisis is over and life returns to normality.

Personally, just three days into lockdown, I’m feeling pretty relaxed and have been enjoying the things I’m filling my days with. I’m managing to continue with some work but inevitably this has slowed down considerably. However, I guess that over the coming weeks there will be times when I do resent the confinement and wish that I was out there experiencing the wider world. This is the time when I will really need my imagination to help me and I would suggest that you will all benefit from a helpful imagination too.

De Botton talks about re-living holidays right through from remembering what you had for your first breakfast to re-experiencing the sights and the sounds of your destination. He suggests that this imagined experience can be as real as you want it to be and that by “travelling from your sofa” will help you to be more comfortable with isolation.

Our 2019 summer holiday in Shetland

So how can YOU use your wonderful imagination to help you at this time of enforced isolation? I would like you all to spend some time regularly developing your technique of “How to ride from your sofa“.

The technique is really very simple. Just make yourself comfy where you won’t be disturbed for a while, close your eyes and take yourself back to a wonderful riding experience and then re-live it.

This will be most realistic if you involve ALL of your senses and because horse riding is such a physical activity you can really feel as though you are actually on horseback. You are activating all the elements of your nervous system and can really enjoy the ride.

Start right at the very beginning of the ride, for example bringing your horse in from the field and grooming him all the while allowing yourself to be aware of what you can see, hear, feel, smell and even taste. Allow yourself to look around and take in all the elements of your environment so that you are actually “there”.

Then work through to mounting up and heading off for your ride. So you can feel your seat in the saddle, your feet in the stirrups, the reins in your hands. You can see the horses neck stretching out in front of you and can hear the footfall of his movement. You can smell the wonderful scent of horse and perhaps the leather of your tack.

The actual ride will be different for all of you but IT’S A GOOD ONE! Perhaps you are out for a hack or you might be riding a cross country course. It really doesn’t matter.

Your mind is very clever at distorting time so your ride can be as long as you like whilst real time might be completely different. You can re-live an entire week long riding holiday in half an hour on the sofa!

Give it a try and see how real you can make it and notice how it helps you avoid the frustration of confinement.

I’m off to the sofa for a ride!


Sign up to receive your free Five Steps to Riding Confidence programme to help you to get ready to be the rider you want to be once life returns to normal.
Or get in touch to arrange some online 1:1 sessions.

I am also offering a limited number of 20 minute online sessions per week to help you to identify your strengths and challenges. Only four available per week and the cost is just £15.

Once I’ve finished my “ride from the sofa” I’m off to Italy!







Month: March 2020

Category : Uncategorized

My morning view always helps

This is a highly personal post which I think will help me and I hope might also help you.

In the last eighteen months my father, my mother-in-law and, most recently, my mother have all died. Each of them had lived a good, long and happy life and their deaths were anticipated and, although very sad, for each of them death was a release from a life of dependence, limitations and the associated indignities of old age. We miss them all but death of an elderly parent is a normal and expected part of life.

Over the years I have also experienced the death of friends, other family members and much loved animals too. I’m sure that each person reading this will have had their own losses.

My most significant loss, which is difficult to write about publicly but which is important to include in this piece, was the death of our only son Fergus in 1997. Fergus was stillborn at full term and was a precious and deeply loved part of our lives in the short time we had him with us. We remember him frequently and often wonder about the life we wish he could have lived.

Grief comes, not only from the death of a cherished person but also from many other experiences such as:

  • Loss of a relationship
  • Loss of a dream
  • Loss of a pet
  • Loss of identity
  • Loss of a job, home or security
  • Loss of health
  • Loss of independence

There are many emotions associated with grief and the experience is individual and personal.

In 1969, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published a model of the five stages of grief, namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and for many years this model was frequently quoted to those who were grieving as the “normal” process which had to be “got through”. Generally, this model has been discredited as there is very little evidence of moving through the process in an orderly fashion.

Instead, from my experience working in the NHS and subsequently in my current role and also from my own personal experiences, I believe that grief is far more complex than a defined process.

There can be a whole complex mix of emotions and they can come alone or they can arrive as a jumble all at the same time. Emotions can jump from overwhelming despair, through anger, to a sense of relief and back again to sadness all within one train of thought.

For me the overwhelming emotions initially occupied my every waking thought, and a lot of my sleep time as well. Then gradually over time feelings have settled and acceptance has come. Nothing has been “got over” but happiness has returned and life has continued whilst memories have been cherished. I distinctly remember a friend saying to me some months after Fergus had died that she was happy to see that “my smile had returned”. I think it was at that moment that I knew I was going to be happy again.

Eighteen months on from the death of my father it is now the memories of him as a younger man which I recall rather than those of him in his last months. My feelings about my Mum are still too raw and recent but with time I know it will be happier memories which rise to the surface rather than images of her being so frail and helpless.

From my own experiences of the death of much loved animals I know that the pain and emotions can be just as strong as they are for the death of a person. So if somebody tells you “it is just an animal”, in my opinion they don’t know what they’re talking about or they’re just being clumsy with their words.

Grief is different to mourning. It is an internal set of feelings and emotions, thoughts and also sometimes includes physical pain. Mourning is the public side of grief. It includes the rituals of a funeral, sending and receiving cards and flowers, in days gone by the wearing of black clothes, time off work and away from socialising. With the loss of a pet it might include keeping mementoes such as a lock of hair or a horse shoe, having photographs framed and keeping a special item associated with that animal. The rituals of mourning all help with the internal grief and are an important aspect of our lives and society. If you have a religious faith then that can be a great help as can other expressions of spirituality.

Support from family and friends has been an enormous help for me over the years and I think I will share with you just a few of the things which I found of particular help and a few which actually had the opposite effect.

After Fergus died the outpouring of love and support we experienced was almost palpable. Friends who simply called round and talked about him were the absolute best. For me it didn’t really matter too much what they said it was just their being with me that helped. People who were prepared to listen to me without judgement and without chipping in with their own experiences were amazing. At a time of extreme grief I really didn’t want to hear about any comparable situations as I was so absorbed in my own.

I don’t want to be judgemental about the things which didn’t help me as I am sure that people were trying their best to be supportive. However being told that “you’ll get over it” isn’t helpful and especially unhelpful for me was people saying “You must be feeling …..” or “You will be feeling…..“. Personally speaking I don’t want to be told how I must be feeling…..

Overall, the least helpful thing was the one or two friends who simply said nothing as they didn’t want to upset me. For me, I would rather that someone made a clumsy or slightly thoughtless comment than said nothing at all. At a time of grief, saying nothing can be interpreted as simply not caring.

So if you are grieving in your own life, for any kind of loss, then I send you my love and support. If you have a friend or family member who is grieving then simply be kind and show support by getting in touch and listening to them.

If this is something you are struggling with then don’t hesitate to get in touch and I will listen to you and offer you some help and support. I consider myself to be fortunate in my attitude towards death and loss in my own life. I see it as part of the rich tapestry of life and even though life hasn’t necessarily turned out as I might have expected when I was younger I cherish each and everyone one of my life experiences.

Nature always helps me too.