The Four C’s of Mental Toughness

As riders, in order to get the most out of our riding, achieve our goals and have total belief in our abilities, we need to develop the four C’s of mental toughness.

 

 

 

Whatever discipline you have chosen and, whatever level you are riding at within that discipline, having a strong mental attitude will help you considerably. It will help when you are learning new skills, overcoming challenges and coping with the stresses of competition.

The following list gives suggestions of helpful attributes for each of the four C’s.  Read through them and, being honest with yourself, give yourself a mark out of ten for each one.  This will give you an idea of your strengths and your challenges and highlight areas which you can work on.   

It is likely that you will have periods of time when you’re feeling mentally tougher than others but the aim is to increase your strength in each of the four areas.

If you need any help with this then do just get in touch

 

1.  Commitment and Motivation 

• I let go of mistakes and focus on what I am going to do next
• I don’t give up even when the odds are against me
• When I don’t achieve my goals it makes me try even harder
• I am prepared to work hard in order to see improvements 
• I can raise my game even when I’m not in the mood.

2.  Concentration

• I know how to relax during tense moments
• I don’t get angry, even when I make a mistake
• I am able to focus on the things which I can control and don’t worry about bad luck
• When riding, I focus in the moment and on the task I am performing 
• I am able to make correct decisions even when under pressure.

3.  Control

• I can stay focussed even when I have other distractions
• I can control distracting or unhelpful thoughts when I am riding
• I am able to control my nerves so that they don’t harm my performance
• I am able to control my emotions when I am riding
• I am able to quieten my mind and avoid overthinking.

4.  Confidence

• I bounce back quickly after any mistakes
• I am able to trust my talent and experience rather than try to over control things
• I am able to overcome self doubt when it creeps in
• I still believe in myself, even after a poor performance
• I have a strong belief in my abilities.

 

 

Photo credit: Dave cameron

                                      

 

 

 

 

Jennifer’s Story

Jennifer is a client with whom I have been working for some time, helping her to overcome some significant anxieties and regain her enjoyment of riding. She very kindly offered to allow me to publish her story and share it with you, so huge thanks to Jennifer for volunteering to go public and for her kind words about the work we do together. It is a huge privilege to be part of a rider’s team and to have somebody trust me enough to allow me to tell others about how they have been helped is deeply moving.

In her own words, here is Jennifer’s Story:

I was on holiday on Skye when my daughter first announced that she wanted to go pony trekking. I decided to go along with her for old times’ sake, because I rode from the age of 8 to the age of 28, when I gave up after a particularly nasty accident.  I had under-estimated how afraid I had become in the ten years since I last rode a horse (and rode in an ambulance). I knew I’d be a bit nervous, but I was not prepared for the extreme physical response. I tried to get on the lovely sensible cob they tacked up for me, and blacked out for a moment, with the first panic attack I ever experienced. The people at the yard were lovely about it, and I got on eventually.  I ended up going on a hack with two leaders beside me, one at each side of the poor, blameless horse, who never put a foot wrong. I was sobbing quietly with fear and turning round now and then to force a smile and wave at my daughter… I was making bargains with the universe at that point… ‘if I survive this hour, I’ll never ride again and I promise I’ll try to be a better person…’ 

Because my daughter loved her pony trek, I booked her weekly riding lessons at an absolutely first-rate local riding school. I couldn’t even watch at first. Then I did, and then I suddenly wanted to ride again.  I booked myself in for weekly one-to-one lessons. In my first lesson, I got off when my instructor had to step out of the school for a moment. I was too afraid to sit, by myself, on a stationary horse. I didn’t like riding, and I didn’t like that particular horse. I’m pretty sure she was laughing at me. 

Although I always planned to call up and cancel my lesson, I found that I went back every week, for some reason. I rode the same horse, who got steadily smaller and less frightening… My instructor was brilliant, and I was getting less afraid. 

I became reasonably confident, if not exactly bold, and  decided that the horse was actually lovely, and the only one I could ever ride. I bought her in October 2017 and I was full of excitement and optimism. Unfortunately, we had a few setbacks over the winter, and I fell off more times than I can remember now. My confidence shrank, and my anxiety made my poor, sweet mare anxious. The more tense I got, the more likely she was to spook, and the more she spooked, the less confident I became. I tried a few things (every book ever written on the subject, an instructor who specialised in nervous riders, prescribed medication even… ) but none of it really made an impact on my lack of confidence because it didn’t address the underlying issues. I’d got to the stage of being nervous around my horse on the ground too. 

By the time I contacted Jane, I was desperate to move past my fear or riding so I could enjoy this again. I really didn’t want to part with my mare, but the situation was making me miserable.

Jane took time to listen and understand, then worked out how we could tackle the causes of my anxiety. She worked on both the bigger picture and on the small triggers that provoked a fear response. We worked  on a plan to tackle the issues stage by stage. We set short, medium and long term goals and she cheered me on when I ticked them off. I learned some relaxation techniques and some confidence-building tools, and we used hypnosis to support these.  They are all tools that I can use in other areas of life, too. I’ve found them surprisingly helpful for more than just riding.

It’s worth mentioning that I also have regular lessons with an excellent  instructor – Jane’s work is non-ridden, and away from a yard environment, which felt very ‘safe’ and comfortable for me, particularly in the early stages. I personally found the two approaches worked very well and gave me quick results. As I learned how to manage my fear, I found that I was able to get more out of my riding lessons, becoming calm enough to concentrate on learning the skills to make me a better rider. As I improved technically, my  confidence increased, and being a better riding gave me the confidence to know I could handle my horse safely. I stopped scaring my poor mare with my own nervousness, and I’m quite surprised (and really delighted) by the progress we’ve made together. First time I hacked out for an hour by myself and enjoyed it was just the best feeling. I kept ticking off the goals; riding a dressage test, hacking along different routes, schooling alone, jumping… it all started to fall into place for me, and it was just amazing.

Jane helped me to change my mental approach to riding, to manage my expectations and to challenge myself without triggering fear again. She didn’t show me how to ride in spite of my fear –Jane has taught me how to ride and enjoy it, without fear.

I have gone from being anxious from the moment I thought about driving to the stables, to riding my own horse every day and looking forward to that time above all else. I’ve even started jumping again. As my horse is resting after treatment for the next few months, I will enjoy the privilege of riding a very handsome young cob belonging to a friend, and I’m really excited to start working with him; to have the confidence and skills to ride him.

Jane has given me back my confidence and I can’t express how grateful I am to be able to love riding again. Maybe even more than I did first time round.

Some thoughts on Spring

“Spring drew on…and a greenness grew over those brown beds, which, freshening daily, suggested the thought that Hope traversed them at night, and left each morning brighter traces in her steps” – Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre.

Today the sun is shining brightly, it’s warm with that familiar Scottish chill in the air and a couple of layers of clothes are still needed. On my usual lunchtime dog walk I took a few pictures of tree buds ready to burst open and new leaves about to unfurl. Spring isn’t usually in too much of a rush to arrive in this part of the world.

When we’re in full winter we often yearn for the longer days and warmer sunshine of spring to arrive and the same could be said for our longings when things aren’t going as we wish with our horse riding or any other area of our lives. In the winter we might wish that things were better or different and as spring arrives hope increases, positivity grows and, just like the leaves unfurling on the trees, opportunities begin to appear. Sometimes our, metaphorical, spring comes quickly and at other times it might feel as though it will never arrive.

My job at Horse Riding with Confidence Scotland is to help you to find your spring when you’re struggling to see it and feel that you’re stuck in your winter season. What a joy it is to help someone to open their eyes to the spring which wasn’t too far away but they were just unable to grasp it or it was just beyond their awareness.

My promise to you is to help you to find your very own spring, whatever that means to you, to assist you to find solutions which are sustainable and which can be used in all sorts of situations and to overcome all sorts of challenges. Working together we will work out what is going on and come up with a plan of how to move forward. Drawing from my training and fifteen years of experience of working with horse riders I have a varied and extensive tool box which I can share with you.

I don’t offer you a quick fix, magical solution which will make all your problems vanish in only one session. However, what does come quickly for you is a renewed sense of springlike optimism that things can and will change for the better. Over the last fifteen years clients have had an average of four 1:1 sessions and for every average number there are some who have needed just one or two and others who have had many more. My aim is always to help you to help yourself to regain your enjoyment of riding and be in a position to achieve your goals whatever level you are riding at or aiming towards. Some, but not all, clients will have hypnotherapy and this can often speed up the process by accessing the unconscious mind and helping you to use the inner strengths which you may have been unaware that you had.

So, as the spring always follows the winter, changes will come for you too. Perhaps your spring will arrive more quickly than you expected or perhaps it will take a little longer than you hoped but changes will occur and, working together, we will make sure that those changes are the one you are searching for.

Some Musings on Perfection

I have been thinking of perfection quite a lot recently and wondering about the best approach in writing this piece. I do a lot of my thinking whilst dog walking and today decided it was the right time to sit down put together my thoughts and share them with you. So, I have decided to look at perfection from two points of view, firstly those perfect moments which we experience without consciously going looking for them and secondly consciously striving for perfection and how that might affect us.

This isn’t the place for a philosophical discussion on the meaning of perfection or even its existence, many Phd theses have probably been written on this subject and, I suspect, haven’t come to a definitive conclusion. Simple definitions of “perfection” are “The state or quality of being perfect” or “The action or process of improving something until it is faultless”. Each of us will have our own idea of what we find perfect, no doubt you have heard a friend describe a partner, or a horse, as being “perfect in every way” and you have (privately I hope!) thought “no thanks, not for me”!!

I know that I have experienced “perfect” days which have been memorable for many reasons. Could they have been different? Definitely. Could they have been better? Perhaps. Does that make those memories any less perfect? I don’t think so.

Two “perfect” riding memories spring to mind. One was quite a few years ago riding in a large group in Glen Tilt on my young Highland Pony. We were cantering along the river side and suddenly, for a moment, I felt like I was flying. I realised that Gigha had just effortlessly cleared a stream and for a moment I actually was flying. I was totally in the moment and therefore didn’t interfere with her in any way. A perfect memory which brings a smile every time I think of it. Another rider may have not enjoyed that moment, may have ridden it differently but for me it was perfect.

 

My more recent memory of perfection was during a lesson on a youngish horse who can be a little bit bouncy and I find the canter transition a bit of a challenge. This one time, the coach was chatting to my friend and I asked my horse for canter and gave a loud “woop” as we executed the transition “perfectly”. Nobody else saw it but they knew from my reaction that it had been good. Could another rider have ridden it in a more balanced way, more accurately or “better”? Quite probably, but for me at that moment in time it felt perfect and at that moment, on that day I don’t think it could have been any better for me so therefore it was “perfect”.

The above moment was experienced through these ears.

 

These moments to treasure are, really simply that.  Memories of special occasions and experiences which in our subjective opinion were pretty well perfect.

,This is very different to the perfection which some people strive to achieve in their lives, whether as riders, in a different sport or any part of their life.  This type of perfection is actively sought after and worked towards.  For some time I have been encouraging clients to find a word other than “perfect’ to describe what they are looking for, believing that constantly looking for perfection isn’t helpful.  However, I have changed (or am changing) my opinion.  I think this change has been partly influenced by watching the film “Free Solo” where rock climber Alex Honnold tackles the 900m rock face of El Capitan without ropes or any other form of protection.  He works towards this feat meticulously with multiple rehearsals of the most challenging parts of the climb and many years of experience leading up to this.  He literally needs to be without error because the consequence of making a mistake is certain death and he achieves his goal saying that, for him, the risks on the day were minimal but the consequences of failure were ultimate.  But was it perfect?  Could he have done it differently?  I can’t answer those questions but I know that he did it as well as he possibly could have done on that day and survived to tell the tale.

Asking for people’s opinion on perfection via FaceBook I got some interesting answers.  Sari M said in answer to the question “Do you consider yourself to be a perfectionist?”  “Yes, or at least, I used to be. It was quite overwhelming to realise the amount of nuance available in horsemanship, how many tiny things there are to improve on, and as a perfectionist it felt like nothing I did could ever attain perfection. I’ve since come to realise that it’s more about the journey than the finished product!”

To the same question Nicola K said “I used to be… certainly striving for perfection with myself as a rider, which naturally resulted in ‘over trying’, tightness and tension … of course these passed onto the horse! These days I’m grateful for the brief rides I fit in, but the perfection days taught amazing control and I miss the precision”.

Susan C said “Totally relate to this sometimes striving for perfection gets in the way of actually doing what I should be doing and remembering what’s it’s all about ‘HAVING FUN’ “

If you are a rider who takes competition seriously and is aiming to be the very best that you can be then perfection needs to be thought about and carefully considered whilst at the same time asking yourself what “perfect” really means to you.  For example has your ride been perfect if you achieve a clear round?  Well, yes on the score board with zero faults but could it have been ridden differently?  Probably.  Were there aspects of the round which , if you could do it again, you would choose to ride differently?  Does it matter to you?

Thinking of dressage or showing where your result or your placing is down to the opinion of the judge rather than clearing fences then perfection is most definitely subjective.  In a competition with more than one judge then you will get more than one opinion or score for each part of the test.

So to strive for ‘perfection” can be a risky strategy as it could lead to dissatisfaction.  But, NOT to strive for perfection could lead to failing to continue to make progress, failing to get better and I doubt that you would want that.

I think that the key lies in being aware of what your goals are, recognising your strengths and acknowledging your challenges.  If you do that then you can constantly try to build on your strengths, work towards overcoming your challenges, develop your technique and your horse’s skills so that, as a partnership, you are always developing.

If you are striving to be the very best the you can be then I think that is something to be truly proud of.  If the very best you can be is considered by you, your coach, the judge and the course officials to be excellent then I really do hope that you can enjoy that and strive to experience it each time you compete.  Is that perfect?  Only you can decide whether the answer is yes or no. (In this context I think “excellence” is being as good, and correct, as you can possibly be given your levels of skill and experience).

I think ultimately the best way to look at perfectionism is to CONSTANTLY STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE AND ENJOY MOMENTS OF PERFECTION ALONG THE WAY.  In this short video we can see Horse riding with Confidence Scotland sponsored rider, Jodie Neill enjoying a moment of perfection whilst constantly striving for excellence.

I would love to hear any feedback on these thoughts and ideas and if you have any experiences of perfect moments or achieving excellence then please do share them if you feel comfortable doing so.

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Horse Bloggers Meetup Collaboration

Review of the Year

As we approach Christmas and 2018 draws to a close I thought it was a good time to review the year for Horse Riding with Confidence Scotland.

I have enjoyed the work I’ve done in 2018 enormously, have met some wonderful and inspiring people, made connections in some new areas of Scotland and have attended several courses and workshops.

As always, the core of my business is 1:1 clients who I see here in Dollar.  The  majority of these clients come for help with a riding related issue with only about 18% of this year’s new clients having a non-riding issue.  I’ve seen a few school age riders and the age of clients has ranged from 10yrs up to well over 60yrs showing, once again, that anxiety can challenge us at any age and stage of our lives and riding careers.  Riding issues have generally been anxiety related and most of the clients have been pleasure riders or those wishing to compete for fun.

It has been gratifying that I am seeing an increasing number of people make 1:1 appointments after having been to one of the talks or workshops I have been involved with and word of mouth or social media have been the way clients have found out about the work I do and the service I offer.

Talks held this year have involved a few trips to the west of Scotland and I have enjoyed collaborating with both yard owners, riding clubs and other professionals in the equestrian business.  At the end of February I travelled to Wemyshill in Lanarkshire, in  April to Sunnyside Equestrian near East Kilbride and in June to Lochgilphead to talk to the members of Argyll RC. Wemyshill Equestrian

 Sunnyside Equestrian with Lauren Semple of Equestrian Fitness Scotland

I am thrilled to continue to be involved with the amazing work done by Equiteam Confidence Camps held at Lindores in Fife and have attended numerous camps and day experiences throughout the Summer months to talk to the riders and offer them help, advice and support with the mindset side of riding and confidence boosting motivation.  Plans are afoot to develop this work and bring in some new ideas and content for 2019 camps.

 Day Camp at Lindores with Equiteam

In October, together with Anne Currie Horsemanship, we held our fourth “Ride in Harmony with your Mind” day workshop.  These days offer the opportunity for riders to bring along their own horses, to hire a RDA horse for the day or to come as non-riding participants.  This year’s workshop went very well and will hopefully we will run another similar workshop together next year.  The facilities available at Sandyflat RDA are fantastic and the staff there are hugely supportive and helpful.

 Ride with Harmony in your Mind Workshop

 Ride with Harmony in your Mind Workshop

As always, I am committed to continuous professional development and have attended several workshops on sport psychology as well as an update on some hypnosis techniques and a major certificate in Timeline Therapy which I did in the Autumn.

I continue to work with some riders on a sponsorship basis and love this aspect of my work.  Eventer Jodie Neill has had a successful year moving up to 2* on her gorgeous horse Clover with lots to look forward to for 2019.   I have just recently taken on another sponsored rider, Jodie Campbell who competes in dressage and showing and we are both excited to see what 2019 brings for Jodie and her horses.   The sponsorship of the young riders of Team KA came to a natural end with riders moving and the yard developing a new focus but I enjoyed the work I had done with the team.

On a personal level 2018 has been a year of highs and lows.  I continue to enjoy the riding I do at Kilgraston equestrian now that my own horses are retired and we had a fantastic safari holiday to Botswana in July but we also said goodbye this year to my wonderful father who would have been 88 on Christmas Eve and have had to help my lovely mother to settle into a care home in Newcastle.  We all miss Dad enormously but are grateful for his long life and I dedicate the work I have done this year to him.

Time Line Therapy ®

Any of you who follow my social media pages, or know me well, will be aware that I am a great believer in CPD (Continuing Professional Development).  In fact both of the organisations I am registered with demand that I keep a CPD record and commit to attending courses, study days, reading and learning in order to continue my registration.

Each year I make sure that I attend study days and lectures where possible and find that doing this keeps me interested and stimulated and allows me to offer my clients the best possible care and therapy that I can.  It had been a while since I had completed any form of new certification or learned any specific new techniques to add to my tool box so this year I was on the lookout for something suitable.

Then I came across Tracey Cole, in a Facebook group I’m a member of, and I liked the look of what she does.  Tracey and I chatted a bit online and I realised that she most definitely could provide me with the training I was looking for.  We both offer a similar service to our clients which  I saw as a good thing, as the training would also give an opportunity to compare notes and chat about our approaches and experiences.  Fortunately the timing was good as Tracey was running a course which included Time Line Therapy ® and I was able to attend purely for this element of the full course.

So, last week I headed off to Staffordshire which is a new part of the country for me.  I did go to a 21st birthday party in deepest rural Staffs many years ago but that is another story and I can remember very little about it!!!  I decided to go by train and had a pleasant journey down even though it involved several changes.  I did have to do a little bit of therapy on myself en route when I realised that I had left my mobile behind and had no phone or internet access – EEK, DON’T PANIC!  It wasn’t a disaster and I just asked a couple of random people if I could borrow their phone and without exception they were kind and generous and I managed to get messages through to people who needed to know where I was and what was happening.

I spent a lovely couple of days studying, having fun, making friends and talking about horses and came away with a certification as a Practitioner of Time Line Therapy ®.

The course was held in a lovely cottage on a livery yard in rural Staffordshire, we also stayed in the cottage which was warm, homely and had beautiful views over the surrounding countryside.  Tracey is a wonderful teacher and delivered the coursework in a relaxed but stimulating manner.  There were lots of opportunities to practice the techniques on each other and we had a lot of fun and some interesting insights whilst doing so.

You’re probably still wondering what this new therapy is as you may not have heard of it before.  Time Line Therapy ® is a powerful therapeutic process derived from NLP and using aspects of hypnotherapy so right up my street in therapeutic terms.  I couldn’t wait to get started.   The process was developed by Tad James  

in the 1980’s and is based on the concept that the unconscious stores our memories in a linear way, like a metaphorical timeline.  Using a variety of techniques the therapist will help the client to let go of negative emotions and limiting beliefs leading to longstanding fundamental changes.  I think that it will be hugely applicable to my horse riding clients, particularly those with long standing anxiety and a difficulty in “letting go” of negative past experiences.  It allows the client to learn from past experiences and move on from them.  Sounds like a “win-win” to me and I can’t wait to start using it and to see the results for my clients.

So what actually IS Hypno-psychotherapy?

I recently did one of those ‘Ask me anything’ posts on FaceBook and one of the questions asked was ‘What is Hypno-psychotherapy?’  At the time, I gave a brief reply and promised to write something more detailed about it.  Unfortunately, I can’t remember the name of the person who asked the question but hopefully they will see this and see that I keep my promises and always try my very best to answer questions.

So, this blog post is kind of a shameless piece of advertising but hopefully it will make interesting reading for those of you who would like to know more about what I do and how I do it.

I trained with the well respected National College of Hypnosis and Psychotherapy www.hypnotherapyuk.net in the early 2000’s qualifying in 2004 with a Diploma in Hypnosis and Psychotherapy and the colleges website explains very well what this actually means so I can do no better than to copy and paste from their site.  I am now registered with the college and also with the National Register of Hypnosis and Psychotherapy

What is the difference between Hypnotherapy and Hypno-Psychotherapy?

Hypnotherapy is the clinical application of hypnosis to assist clients to resolve problems arising from habits, maladaptive behaviours, pain (under medical supervision) and psychosomatic medical conditions. It can also be used to assist clients in maximising potential in settings such as work and sport. At the time of writing hypnotherapy has developed a system of Voluntary Self-Regulation through the Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council and as such hypnotherapists will be trained to a minimum of a level 4 NVQ equivalent standard. Hypnotherapists are not trained to deal with deep psychological issues or psychiatric illness.

Psychotherapy is defined by UKCP (2009) as a process “to help clients gain insight into their difficulties or distress, establish a greater understanding of their motivation, and enable them to find more appropriate ways of coping or bring about changes in their thinking and behaviour. Psychotherapy involves exploring feelings, beliefs, thoughts and relevant events, sometimes from childhood and personal history, in a structured way.”

Hypno-psychotherapy is the clinical application of hypnosis to enhance psychotherapeutic interventions. Hypno-psychotherapists should be trained at master’s level and are trained to deal with deep psychological issues and psychiatric illness.

(The above definitions are credited to the National College of Hypnosis and Psychotherapy.)

As well as completing the training mentioned above I have gone on to complete further certificates such as the Practitioner in NLP cert and a Specialist certificate in Anxiety as well as attending numerous study days covering all sorts of related subjects. I consider myself to be an expert in helping clients with anxiety issues.  At the end of this month I will be doing some more additional training and will tell you about that in due course.

So the next question might be ‘How does Hypno-psychotherapy help horse riders?‘

Over the years I have developed a speciality in helping riders at all levels overcome anxiety and develop a strong mind-set to the extent that virtually all of my clients are riders.  My training allows me to see my clients as a whole person and help them to understand and overcome their fundamental anxiety issues, treating them as individuals who come with their own unique personalities, experiences and lifestyles.  Each rider is different and the beauty of the training I have done means that I have a large tool box of techniques and approaches to draw from depending on the rider’s individual needs.  A nervous novice who may be worried about even getting on their horse has very different needs to, for example, an eventer who is looking to step up a level in competition and may have concerns about that.

Using hypnosis is an option which enhances the psychotherapeutic processes and can hasten positive results by accessing the, sometimes hidden, strengths of the unconscious mind. It can be very powerful and help the client to make changes or it can be used to help the client simply to feel more calm, more relaxed and more confident.  We don’t always use hypnosis and only after full discussion and explanation of all techniques.  Hypnosis is a very safe therapeutic intervention and the vast majority of clients say that they love the feeling of being in a trance.

Sometimes people contact me with the question ‘Do you think that you can help me?’.  My answer to this is that to have got in touch with me they already have a belief that I can help them. In our training we are taught that hypnosis is effective to the extent that the client wants, expects and allows it and therefore all hypnosis is effectively self-hypnosis. In any psychotherapeutic approach there are never guarantees but my experience show me that the majority of riders who seek help can make significant and long lasting changes.

I am always happy to chat to anyone who wishes to contact me and any initial contact is completely free of charge and can be the first step towards regaining your enjoyment of this wonderful sport.

Any thoughts, comments or questions are very welcome and thank you for reading this.

Daisy’s Story

With my new website up and running it seems like the appropriate time to put more focus and energy into my THROUGH THE EARS blog.  So as part of the re-launch here is a very special blog for you.

You may have come across the How Very Horsey  blog written by the lovely Daisy Smith.  Daisy is a talented writer and horsewoman, comes from a long line of well known equestrians and has been very open and honest about her own struggles with riding confidence. Daisy has kindly agreed to write this piece for me to share with you.  When I first read it yesterday evening it brought a tear to my eye and made me think of so many of the riders I have been privileged to work with since 2004 who have similar stories to tell but prefer them to remain private.  The sharing Daisy’s story here is intended to give YOU hope and inspiration and if YOU need help then please do just get in touch and take the first step towards helping yourself to recover your enjoyment of this wonderful sport.  THANK YOU DAISY.

DAISY’S STORY.

A year ago, I was a bit of a mess. The combination of a bad riding accident, a traumatic birth and associated PTSD and PND, and a few weird years of riding horses I didn’t know or trust, left me with zero confidence. Less than zero, actually. I was at the point that, for the first time in my 20 years of riding, I actually considered giving up. Not even because I wanted to. More because I thought I had to.

I got to the point that I was having such anxiety just driving to the stables that I had to frequently pull over just to breathe. If a horse so much as moved an ear unexpectedly, I would get off. To put this in perspective, a few years ago I was competing at 1.20m level and had previously ridden for England and won BSPS Rider of the Year. Last year, I couldn’t trot around an arena.

What helped me? Blogging. I started my blog when I was pregnant and unable to ride. It was a way I could stay involved in the horse world somehow. I said when I started it that if one person read it and enjoyed it then that was fine. I had no idea of the true impact my blog would have on me though.

Writing honestly about how I felt and what I was going through, firstly, helped me to see it more clearly but it also opened me up to a world full of advice. A world full of people in the same boat or people who had been there. And an amazing crowd of previous strangers who were suddenly invested in my story and cheering me on.

What I would like to share with you guys though is this: People will tell you it will get better, people will tell you that you will be fine, people will make lovely comments about how good you were and how they are sure it’s just a phase. As lovely as these people are trying to be, it will not help.

What will help is this: it can get better.

Last week, I jumped my young, sprightly 17.1hh horse at a county show and won. Tonight, I jumped round a course of fences at home with a smile on my face. I am looking forward to riding tomorrow. It can get better.

 Daisy enjoying riding the lovely Jack

What you need to find is what will help you. Real, practical advice of how to find that confidence. It will not be an instant fix. Confidence is built up through consistent, positive experiences over time. Set yourself up to have those experiences, surround yourself with people who understand and are sympathetic, but at the same time are cheering you on, actively work on changing your negative mindset if you can. I now walk the course and say to myself “This will be fun to jump. What a great feeling it will be!” I am still nervous but it helps me.

 Daisy and the famous American Pie, now a sprightly 23 yrs old.

I can get better.